Only Jon!

Yesterday started off in an extraordinary fashion. Nothing really to write home about. In fact it was so uneventful I was feeding myself coffee intravenously just to stay awake to surf the net.

I had lunch with Jon, we had to look through the city weekly just to entertain ourselves....I love the "I Saw you" section, Jon loves the escort section. Jon called me on my way back into work to make sure I didn't fall asleep...obviously knowing I would at this point.

So as I am thinking its time to go home and it's strange that Jon hasn't made his daily call to tell me how shitty the drivers are in Utah and how much he hates I215, usually interrupted with a "Jesus Dude...move the fuck out of the way!" or "There is no breaking on the freeways!" while laying on his horn. And my father wonders why Jon is always in the passenger seat whenever we go anywhere. Not that it keeps him from yelling or honking the horn for that matter, but at lease we arrive alive!

I did get my call...but with a frantic Jon on the other end....Apparently a Yellow Fright Line truck had decided to use the left turn lane as a starting point to back into a driveway. That's all fine and dandy, but he neglected to check if there were any cars behind him before backing in...like ...oh...say.... a big, black, Chevy Blazer with a lift on it. The guy hopped his truck on top of Jon's hood and didn't stop there...Jon had to get out and run up to tell the guy he was on his truck! This is the great part...the moron puts his car in drive to pull forward to get off Jon's hood....lets see wheels on one side of hood, truck on the other...hell he already crushed the front of the car...a flip wont hurt!

So, Jon is out a car...and driving mine!!!!! The ride in is only 10 minutes and my shoulders are still stuck up around my head.........Happy Birthday to me!

I Love Eric!!!

He wrote this one year for my birthday when I worked at Clear Channel...he kills me!!!

(NOTE: In the continuation of the Month of Jon's, Kristie's husband is name Jon Vieta. This is almost getting creepy.)

There's an old saying here in traffic: "What is said in the traffic department, stays in the traffic department."There is only one exception to this rule, and it happens on or about Kristie's birthday.

I remember when I first started working here about five years ago. My former company (Trumper) had just been bought out by the "Big Bad Clear Channel" and I was asked to come over to the traffic department here to help "smooth the transition." (The truth is, my other boss was sick of seeing me, so she sent me over to Kathy in an attempt to sabotage the operation.)

My first day here was filled with people being extremely nice to me. (It only lasted one day.) I remember Kristie saying out loud, "Now that we have a BOY in our department, we're going to need to watch what we say."It's now been five years, and I'm still waiting to see for that moment.

A few things you may not know about Kristie (unless you've served time with her):
She only accepted the job as Continuity Director because it came with an office. She's still saving up to buy a door for the office, and when she does she will...in her own words..."Keep it closed so I don't have to deal with any of you nincompoops." (I used the word "nincompoop" to replace a naughtier word used by Kristie.

She's the only person I know that will complain all morning about being hungry, and then when lunch time comes, she'll go get her nails done instead of eating. ("I changed my mind," she'll say as she comes back through the door.) Ten minutes later, she is complaining how hungry she is. But hey, at least her nails look good.

She's a Virgo. Normally that wouldn't mean anything, but out of the six people that work in traffic, half of them are Virgos. The rest of us are...well...not Virgos.

She talks about her dog more than she talks about her husband, kids and parents combined.

If you have some time to waste, mention Tom Cruise to her. (With the exception of the volleyball game on Top Gun, she has nothing good to say about the former Mr. Nicole Kidman.)

I hope you have a great Birthday, Kristie. Because if you don't, the rest of us will hear about it on Monday.(NOTE TO KATHY: Can I have Monday off, just in case?)

It's The New Shmoo!

I am so deliriously tired today that on my way back to work I slipped into a slight coma. As random flashes of senseless shit ran through my head, I started thinking about one of my favorite cartoon characters Shmoo.



The strange thing is I still have a Shmoo stuffed animal....and if you look closely at my front yard, where we put a planter box area....it's shaped as Shmoo too. Well, I mean shaped like Shmoo when he isn't taking the shape of something else....that being said I guess everything is shaped like Shmoo...but not his original shape.....and......well...nevermind :) The point is I guess he never left me :)

My Poor Parents!!!

Okay, it is no secret I am a spoiled brat....

Me: Daddy.....do you know how to build a pergola?

Dad: You mean an harbor

Me: No a pergola...harbors are smaller

Dad: No, but I bet we can figure it out

Me: Cool...I need it for my BBQ

Dad: When is that?

Me: Saturday

A strange silence came over the other end. So I did what any woman does when they want a man to do their bidding...start it my self!!! My mom taught me that trick....See then it makes them nervous that you will jack it up and they jump in before you do!

Me: Dad, what do I need to buy for the pergola...Jon and I can do it.

Dad: (Laugh) Well...you need...How big is this thing going to be?

Me: 11x11

Dad: I need to look at it first....

Me: K can you come over tonight?

Dad: No I have things to do.....

Me: Okay I will look online and find out what I need, Handyman magazine says it is a weekend project...We can figure it out. I mean how hard can it be, you slap four posts up and make a top...poof...pergola.

Dad: I will see you at 6

Three days later....I got a pergola!!! I love it! My poor dad....But it really isn't his fault, I mean I am just so darn cute he cant say no!


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Poof...Pergola!!!

New Laundry Room!

It is finally done! Well almost...98% done anyway. It only took 3 months...but if you take into consideration I did take a couple months off from it, then actually it only took one month to do!

Funny thing is...I wasn't planning on doing the laundry room. I mean, who really goes in there and I have sooo many other rooms that need a face lift more then that one. I guess fate had something else in mind. Jon and I were in a wicked fight when we felt the house shake. We stopped....was that an earth quake? We were still alive so after a short pause we continued our conversation...LOUDLY! Then we decided we should look around to see what the hell it was. "Found it"...the cabinets in the laundry room had fallen off the wall! GREAT!

See, the people who we bought the house from finished the basement and did a really shit job. I mean I have mystery doors in the middle of walls, light switch conduit boxes that were used as light conduit boxes, door moldings with no top, strange unnecessary indentations in the walls and did I mention the countless stud nails used in the drywall?

Anyway, here is before:

You can see the blue paint where the cabinets once were.....Yes...my entire basement was powder blue at one point...blah!

I love this picture, anyone who knows my dad knows that when he "has an idea" it is easier to get the Pope into a Thai bar then get him to change his mind. I titled this picture..."White Grout....no, you don't want white grout, ,(laugh) trust me you will love the grey"

Proof I did the granite tile myself...oh yea baby "I don't need no stinken man"

After...please notice the white grout! That's right "Your Holiness, Vatican curacy is not valid here...here take my dollar". Anyway...I love it...laundry is not a chore anymore and I have a shitload of storage space now! Oh and the new folding table is way sturdy...Jon and I tested it out... safety first I always say!! never know when you might need to put 200 + pounds of laundry on it!!!

I KNOW I KNOW!!!

I know I have been slacking, but with school starting, my two jobs and family...I have been busy. So I will make up as much as I can for lost time ;)

Barack Roll!!!!

Pool Geek!!!

I just wanted to post a couple pictures of my husband, that really show his personality!!!! The personality of "the worlds biggest geek". As his wife I vowed on my wedding day that I would take every chance I had to exploit him and poke fun of him til death do us part....hey man...I made that promise before God...so before I get struck by lightning, here you go...My husband at his best...or worst, you decide :)


Boy loves his gecko!


In the baby pool shmu guy


The "special Vieta" in his hydro car.."beep beep"




Basketball Jon...I gotta Basketball Jon


Yea, this was supposed to be a picture of the KIDS....

On a side note...remember that this is a 36 year old man who is 6'2 and roughly 197 pounds...So all of you now know why we don't go out much these days......lord knows if I will show up with Ruprect or Jon :)

OH YEA!!!!

The girls and I are sooooooo doing this next year!!!

LMAO!

My question is ....do they make them in my size?????

Kitty Wigs!!!

Monty will be ecstatic...he Love's to dress in drag!!!!

The girl in the window

I don't like to post or even really think about horrible things, but this one I just have to!!!! I remember when I told my mom I as reading "A Child Called It", that she panicked and said "As your mother I ask you , please do not read that book". Well seeing how I was already half way through it I couldn't put it down now. This story makes that book look like a fairy tale.

About 2 years ago, my ex husband called CFS, stating that the girls were living in unfit living conditions. He apparently violated his protective order we have on him and broke into our house a couple of times, with photographic evidence on his phone to prove it. We have a patch of carpet in the basement that our dog periodically likes to use as a restroom. Mind you, we also have white carpet all through the upstairs. When the case worker came by, she said she was confused, as were we. This inevitably backfired on my ex, and he was on a plea of abeyance for 18 months. We were found with out a doubt, not guilty.

It's people like this woman in this story that remind him of what "unfit living conditions" really are. A soiled carpet in a house is not! This woman should have been made to suffer the same fate of her daughter in her care. You know there are people in this world who spend thousands and thousands of dollars to conceive a child and others who never are able too, and this woman locks her daughter in a room with roaches and diapers. At age 7 she is not potty trained and cannot speak at all. She has no idea what a hug is and sleeps on a soiled mattress on the floor.

God bless the family who took her in and is giving her a life that her apparent "mother" could never. The really sad thing is, she is still making excuses for her action!! GRRRR!

The Sooo Have to Make Medication For This!

Ever since I talked myself out of those shoes in SFO, I have been on a shoe withdrawal. Like a twitching crack whore looking for their next fix, I find myself staring at people feet...you know, just to see whats out there. I know what your thinking, "isn't that like licking the window of a chocolatier while on a liquid diet" and yes it is. IT IS SHEER TORTURE!!!!

Why is being good so fucking hard?!!!!

So there I was, in line at the pharmacy in Albertson's. Friggen ALBERTSON'S!!! That should be safe, I mean it's not a shoe store...they do sell perfume there now but its not like isle 12a is pumps and wedges. Hold for visual......ahhhhhhh. I can see it now..........

Me: Jon...going grocery shopping

Jon: Again, haven't you been every day this week

Me: Yea I need...er....um........a loofah

There I would sit on the floor at Albertson's with all my little friends as the loud speaker announces "Clean up on isle 12a, that lady is back again"

And Jon would wonder why our grocery budget $1500 a month.......:)

*pop* dream sequence over

So back to Albertson's.....I am at the pharmacy and I am in line, standing at the sign telling me to stand back for the privacy of other patrons, as I glance at the woman up at the counter. Cute jeans, I think to myself...and then I get a little tease of the shoes that hid beneath the cuff...what...huh.....whats that!!! A BUCKLE...yes, I thought I saw a buckle....oh and there is more...stripes, they have friggen stripes too! OMG!!!! I calm myself down to a "your shoes are way cute", "oh...thanks" she said with a smile. if only she know that the shoe whore in me wanted to say "fuck you" to the privacy sign and push her over, yank them off her feet and try on her shoes.....Think she would mind?

Here they are.....Giuseppe Zanotti. I am seeing a trend, I have a thing for Italian Shoes these days! These run about $560. Waaaayyyy out of my price range!!!!

So there I stood....twitching as going threw withdrawals as I quietly pick up my prescription. And, no...they don't make anything for this...I asked the pharmacist, he didn't find it funny. :)