This Was Really Not a Good Idea!

Another thing I felt I needed for this cruise was a new bathing suit. Mine is about 2 years old and I could use a change.

Forgetting that shopping in the winter for a new bathing suit would be nothing more than a psychological equivalent to an earthquake!!! I looked on line and ordered one from Dillard's. While I was shopping with Jon on Super Bowl Sunday (yea, I didn't get it either, and it as his idea) they had the suit at Nordstrom so I tried it on. *tremor tremor QUAKE*

For hell sakes!!! Really!!! These are not fun house mirrors???!!! WTF!

It just makes you want to go on a killing rampage on the set of photo shoots! Just put normal sized women in them so we can see what WE will look like...or give multiple shots of it..."Eat something for hell sakes" (or standard model 0-7), Normal size women (8-10), "It might look okay if you drop 10 lbs" (10-12) and "You really should look into a one piece" size 13 plus.

So its back in the box, and going back. You can get a sun tan in a sweater and jeans right?!

Only Jon!

Yesterday started off in an extraordinary fashion. Nothing really to write home about. In fact it was so uneventful I was feeding myself coffee intravenously just to stay awake to surf the net.

I had lunch with Jon, we had to look through the city weekly just to entertain ourselves....I love the "I Saw you" section, Jon loves the escort section. Jon called me on my way back into work to make sure I didn't fall asleep...obviously knowing I would at this point.

So as I am thinking its time to go home and it's strange that Jon hasn't made his daily call to tell me how shitty the drivers are in Utah and how much he hates I215, usually interrupted with a "Jesus Dude...move the fuck out of the way!" or "There is no breaking on the freeways!" while laying on his horn. And my father wonders why Jon is always in the passenger seat whenever we go anywhere. Not that it keeps him from yelling or honking the horn for that matter, but at lease we arrive alive!

I did get my call...but with a frantic Jon on the other end....Apparently a Yellow Fright Line truck had decided to use the left turn lane as a starting point to back into a driveway. That's all fine and dandy, but he neglected to check if there were any cars behind him before backing in...like ...oh...say.... a big, black, Chevy Blazer with a lift on it. The guy hopped his truck on top of Jon's hood and didn't stop there...Jon had to get out and run up to tell the guy he was on his truck! This is the great part...the moron puts his car in drive to pull forward to get off Jon's hood....lets see wheels on one side of hood, truck on the other...hell he already crushed the front of the car...a flip wont hurt!

So, Jon is out a car...and driving mine!!!!! The ride in is only 10 minutes and my shoulders are still stuck up around my head.........Happy Birthday to me!

GAS!!!!!

I don't know really what my deal is with putting gas in my car. I would sooner have my nipple pierced then put gas in my car. So as I went to lunch today I realized that after three days of being on empty I should go fill up. I mean it would suck to have to call Jon and tell him to bring me a gas can. Not that he would, but Rudy would, and laugh all the way to there and back and tell the saga at every family gathering until I die. I just don't need that aggravation.


Windows up, AC off and radio low, like that helps in someway, I venture to the closet Chevron on 90th south and State. I weave my way through the sea of construction cones and wait for my chance in the turn lane. After waiting through at least one song on the radio I turn into the Chevron and realize that you cant go through the pump stalls. Oh no...those construction cones are squatting all along the other side. So you have to back out after your done at the pump.


I proceed to enter my card, no I don't want a car wash, save a tree by not taking receipt, scoff as I turn a blind eye to the very large letters on my gas tank door that says "Premium Fuel Only" by selecting mid grade for $4.11, Cuss at the ridiculousness of the price as I put the nozzle in my tank and watch as my retirement disappears in Chevrons pockets.


Just then the pump stops at 10 gallons and all the lights are off on the pump. WTF! I look around, every one's stopped. I go inside and the smug little man behind the counter tells me that they are doing maintenance and it will be back on in 5 minutes. Like it isn't bad enough that your charging me what you are, now I have to wait to see if my credit card implodes for the charge.


The pumps come up and I kid you not, I have to rerun my card start all over! Now I definitely don't want a stupid car wash and I will tell you where that receipt can go, and now the gas is coming out like it was molasses. Forget it...after pumping $3.50 worth of gas I call "Uncle". I will live on 3/4 of a tank. This is why, I remind myself, I hate to get gas.